


My Little Blueblood: Friendship is Tiring

by buttmaster



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, My Little Pony ahead
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-30
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-15 08:19:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2222055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buttmaster/pseuds/buttmaster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk convinces Equius to watch the first episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Dirk has made a horrible mistake. </p><p>Done for Bonus Round 1 of the HSWC.</p><p>"Equius/Dirk</p><p>Remember when Dirk showed Equius My Little Pony?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Little Blueblood: Friendship is Tiring

"Dirk. This is foalish. I have no interest in your human cartoons." Equius groused, grimacing. Dirk assumed he was grimacing, at least. His mouth only really seemed to have two modes... curled downward in a toothy grimace or pulled upward into a twitchy and frightening smile.

"Equius. We're doing this, and you're going to have to trust me. It's called My Little Pony. It's about horses." Dirk was queuing up the first episode on Netflix and patted the couch. The couch was coated in plastic. Dirk insisted this was normal human tradition and Equius had luckily believed him. The truth was... Equius did sweat a lot.

"Hoofbeasts? It's about... hoofbeasts? Dirk Strider. Is this actually a show about hoofbeasts?"

"Yes. Equius. I have told you many times, it is about horses who go on adventures. You'll love it. I assure you." Dirk paused before the opening, a book filling the screen, and waited.

Equius sat, hands clenching and unclenching as he began to perspire just a bit more. "Well, if you... insist that we watch it."

"I insist. We are watching it. Please don't make this weird."

"I am not. I am not making it... weird, Dirk! Now, please, I behoof you, start the human horse cartoon."

Dirk smirked, which he did well, and hit play. The lore expanded, with stylized horses animating in the pages of the book, talking about two princesses, and a prophecy of eternal night, and then the opening theme started, in an entirely different art style. And on cue, Equius's face fell.

"What are those?"

"Those are ponies."

Equius twitched, and his teeth ground together, before he pointed at the screen accusingly. "That is not... that thing. Those things. Those things are not hoofbeasts, Dirk. Those things are weird marshmallowy purrbeasts with hooves! Where is the majesty! Where is the musculature? You have seen my artwork! My decor! Those are hoofbeasts! These... these are abominations for wigglers! I am steamed, Dirk Strider! I am perturbed!"

"Equius, please. Please calm down. And lower your voice. Will you just watch? You're missing the plot." Dirk paused the episode and glared at Equius, which Equius could feel, even through Dirk's shades. After all, Equius had been glaring at trolls through sunglasses for sweeps now.

"Oh, what could I have possibly missed?" Equius snorted, crossing his arms, but quieting down at Dirk's stern tone.

"The purple one is Twilight Sparkle. She reads a lot of books, and Princess Celestia has sent her to Ponyville to--"

"Ponyville? A village for ponies? That is incredibly creative, Dirk. The humans who made this show are geniuses. That is sarcasm, Dirk. I am not good at it."

Dirk sighed. "See the orange one? That's Applejack. She's a--"

"Lowblood."

"What? No. She's an apple farmer."

"Why is she orange? Wait. The purple one..." Equius sat up straighter. "The purple one knows royalty and is supervising this pony village? And the orange one is... a physical laborer?" That grimace twitched up into a smile. "Hit play. Hit play, Dirk, I want to see more."

Dirk gaped. "No. No no. No. You are not sullying this with your classist nonsense."

"No, look. The purple one, she has magical powers. And the orange one just toils in dirt. This show is perfect. Hit play. Do it. Do it, Dirk." And Dirk did. "Who is that... that blue one. Tell me about the blue one."

"Just watch. Just pay attention."

Equius's smile turned into a grin as Rainbow Dash, the blue one, showed off acrobatics and strength. "I like her. She is better than the orange one." Equius was ecstatic. And then. "Dirk! Who is that." It wasn't even a question. It was a statement.

"That's Rarity." She had purple hair. She was white. She was fancy. She had the most glamorous house in town.

"She's perfect. She has powers too. Like Twilight Sparkle. Is she a princess?"

"No, she isn't. Equius, please stop focusing on their castes. This show doesn't have castes. Everyone is equal."

"Except for the princesses."

"Well, yes."

"Why do some ponies live in the big mountain city and these ponies live in a little town?"

"Because they like it...? Equius, I don't know."

"Who is this yellow one?" He was grimacing again, uncertain. "Fluttershy? She. Hmm." Equius steepled his fingers in front of his mouth, staring. "She has wings like the blue one, but she isn't as daring. And yet..."

Dirk stared. "Do I even want to know?"

Equius frowned, still uncertain. He liked her. She was shy and soft and pathetic but... pretty. Despite her clear yellow inferiority. Was she... better than Rarity? It was possible. He wanted to pet her. But he would never dare to. He would muss up her lovely pink mane. He could break a feather of her soft, useless wings. Sweat beaded and ran down his face as he thought of how maybe she would hug him. Talk to him softly like she did with her birds. He looked at Dirk, cheeks tinting blue. "Fluttershy is okay, Dirk." His grin wavered and faltered.

"No, nope. We are done. This was a mistake."

Equius went wide-eyed as the screen flickered off. "No! No, the ponies! Dirk, give me the ponies, Dirk. I need to see Rarity, and Fluttershy..."

"No, you can watch it on your own. I am done. I am finished. I wanted to show you a fun little cartoon I watch and you have perverted it. Rarity and Fluttershy. You're ridiculous, Equius. Rainbow Dash is the best pony. And Twilight Sparkle is a close second. We're done here." Dirk got up and headed for another room, too done to deal with the entire experience. He couldn't even imagine showing him the modeling episode.


End file.
